I've tried several times to start this second blog post, to write about being a submissive, not a slave. About having a voice at all times in my relationship with my Sir and yet knowing the power lies with him. About the freedom and intimacy that exists in our relationship.
But every draft I write, I throw out because it doesn't sound right.
Nothing is difficult in living the dynamic we share, but for some reason I am having the hardest time putting it into words.
I refer to him as Master when we talk and when I write about him, but I am not his slave. Usually a bottom who chooses to be a slave says "yes" once and from then on acceptance and acquiescence is assumed by the Master. The slaves desires and needs may or may not be taken into account by the master. This is not the way of our relationship. I am his submissive and there is a difference.
But it's not easy to explain.
Everything is done with love. By both of us. He sets the tone, the direction, the focus, but he is ever watchful of me, ever aware of me and my needs. He watches for how to best lead me for our mutual pleasure.
He notices me - all the time. He watches my posture, listens carefully to the tones of my voice, is aware of any change in my eyes or expression.
Can you imagine how amazing, how intimate that is?
Nothing I do, say - or don't do or say - escapes his notice. I cannot hide. I do not want to. I want to be completely bare to him, for him. I am willing to be vulnerable and available to his love, guidance and desires. I submit to all of that and his acceptance thrills me in a way that I struggle to explain.
But stay with me, dear reader, for I will continue to try.
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